Because Your Here
by StarBucksIsLife9
Summary: What will the girls do when they realise Spencer Hastings perfect life isn't as perfect as it seems? Spoby Sparia Spanna Spemily
1. Chapter 1: Secrets

**TRIGGER WARNING! This contains Self Harm, Eating disorders, Suicidè, Child abuse and depression. If this is a sensitive topic for you then please don't read! By the way, if you are dealing with any of these things and need somebody to talk to, I'm here:)**

 **Spencers P O V**

"Why can't you be more like your sister! Not a little b*h that pokes her fat nose into other people's business!!!", My dad screams at me. I freeze at what he just said, before I can talk back, run away or cry, I feel a hard hand slap me across the face.

I look at my Dad, with rage in his eyes and his hand inches away from my face which he hit. I sprint to my room and shut the door as quick as I could. It's been like this for so long, and I don't know to do about it.

While I am sitting on my red leather chair with salty tears streaming down my cheeks, I hear a loud honk of a car outside my house. I peer put my window to see Hanna, I remember that she said she would pick me up.

I grab my shoes, bag and hair brush as I dart out of the house, hoping that I won't pass my Dad.

I walk out to see Hanna standing there with two coffees, "One long, skinny black, two sugars and no milk coming right--", She says, instantly stopping when she sees me.

At that moment I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the car window, I look terrible. I have a big, red hand mark across my left cheek, tears and mascara dripping down my face and my hair looks like I've survived a zombie apocalypse.

Hanna walks up to me and gently reaches for my hand, leading me into the passengers seat. She starts up the car. Once we've driven out of the street, she finds a parking bay and shops the car.

"Spence...", she mumbles, I see the tears glimmering in her eyes. "I guess I can't really say I fell over", I sob.

Hanna brings me into her warm embrace as the tears spill. "It...- It was your Dad... Wasn't it", she stutters. I realise there's no point in making up an excuse now, I nod my head, bursting out in tears.

Five minutes later of me crying uncontrollably, Hanna whips out her makeup bag. She starts dabbing and dusting things all over my face, resulting in me looking Fine and what happened this morning, never happened.

"We've got to tell the girls", Hanna says seriously. "No!", I say, a awful lot louder than I expected it to be.

"Well... At least, not yet", I say, quieter this time. "Okay, but we will have to tell them eventually", she states. "I guess", I say, my voice breaking for the hundredth time this morning.

 **Recess**

"Hey", says Hanna as we walk over to Aria and Emily. "Hey", they chorus back.

They start there converstation as normal, talking about classes, our bed buddies, A. I remember Tobys coming home this afternoon from London. I think I'm going to ask if I can live in his loft for a while. Though I guess I am scared that he will find out. I remember once he almost saw the cuts in my wrists, nobody knows about it, and I intend to keep it that way. But my thoughts are broken by a more serious voice.

"Spence", Aria says, telling something is up. "I don't know how to exactly say this... But I'm going to try. We've noticed lately that you've been a little, well, out of it. You come to school every morning in tears, and... There are sometimes, bruises... On your body. Spencer, what the heck is going on?", Aria asks, tears filling her eyes.

I look around to Hanna, "Did you tell them?!", I whisper, wiping my eyes once again. "No! I swear", she replies.

"Tell us what?", Aria says slowly. "Ughhh", I mumble. "Spence, if you want I can tell them", Hanna says sympathetically. "NO! WHY CAN'T ANYBODY JUST BACK OFF ME FOR ONCE!", I shout.

"Spencer, please just tell us what's going on and we'll help you, but to do that you have to help us", Emily says shakily... Shocked by my sudden outburst.

I stay were I'm standing, staring down at them. "Please", Emily whispers, gently putting her hand on my wrist. But that's enough to send a shooting pain though my body, I gasp. I look at the girls, whose faces have turned white.

I look down to what they're looking at, my sleeve pulled up revealing scars and cuts riddled across it, I realise it must have gone up when I gasped and held my arm.

"Oh my god Spencie", crys Aria.

Without thinking I dash to the bathroom, I remember all the times my Dad has ridiculed me about my weight, even though I am as skinny as I twig.

I run to the toilet and stick my fingers down my throat. I wish I thought better about this, because the I hear somebody running in after me.

As soon as they open the door I realise it's Emily.

 **Emily's P O V**

"No, it's okay", I say to Aria and Hanna. "I'll go in there".

I enter the bathroom to see Spencer crouched in front of the toilet with her fingers down her throat. "Spencer, Sweetie", I cry, as I kneel down beside her, pulling her fingers away from her mouth.

Once she is done she wipes her mouth and looks me dead in the eye. "Why?" I choke. Spencer paused for a minute before falling apart into a fit of sobs.

"They always... Always bully and hurt me", She crys while I cradle her in my arms. "Who is they?" I ask, almost not realising I am crying. "My parents, they always slap me, hurt me, call me fat and tease me", She says burying her head into my chest.

"Spence", I sigh, "can I see your wrists?".

She closed her eyes before rolling up her sleeve to reveal red raw cuts slicing her porcelain skin. She lifts up half of her shirt, showing me more cuts and green, blue and purple bruises.

"They made those bruises... Didn't they?" I ask, my hands shaking. She nods as I hold her tighter.

"Does Toby know?".

"God No Emily! He would flip and hate me", she squeaks.

"There is no possible way that Toby would hate you or flip, he loves you so much Spencer!" I sob.

I look back down at the vomit in the toilet. "Spencer, you are not fat", I soothe, "You are beautiful... Absolutely beautiful".

"I wish I thought the same thing", She crys. "You don't have to anwser this Spence, but how much do you weigh?" I ask.

"18 pounds", she mumbles. I am shocked, Spencer always had a skinny figure but I never thought it was because of this reason. "Oh Honey", I cry.

"Why didn't you ever talk to Hanna about it, she had Bulimia once too you know", I suggest. "Oh yeah, what was I supposed to say, Hey Han, do you mind maybe helping me today I have Bulimia", She says, slightly angry. I look over to see two people at the door... Aria and Hanna.

I feel Spencers body tense as she bursts out in tears.


	2. Chapter 2: Don't Tell

**Trigger warning (see full warning in Chapter 1)**

 **Spencers P O V**

I bury my face in my hands, trying to pretend this all hasn't happened. I lift my hard out of my hands, they are covered with my makeup from my face, "Damn", I mutter.

As I lift my head Aria looks like she is about to burst out into tears. "Oh my God what happened to your face?" She asks crying.

I lift up my knees and curl up into a ball. "Did you guys wanna skip school today? I mean, like so Spence can explain everything and we can work some stuff out?" Asks Hanna.

The girls agree and nod their heads, they help me up to my feet as we walk outside. Since first period has started there aren't many people out in the hallways, and if there is I just look away.

When we get into Hannas car, I stare out the widow, secretly praying this is all a dream, where I don't get abused, where I don't have scars, where I'm not Bulimic, Where I'm not suicidal, where I'm not depressed, where everything is normal.

I feel the hot tears stream down my cheeks. Oh god! How an earth am I going to explain this to Toby, again my thoughts are broken my Aria.

"Spencer... What is going on?" She says, trying hard to keep it together. I sigh

Once I am done telling them my story, we all have tears streaming down our cheeks. "Your not living there anymore!" Says Hanna. I nod, "did you wanna go to your house to grab your things", Emily asks. "Yes Please", I sigh.

When we get to my house I get out of the car and start walking down the pavement, "if you need us at all just yell", Instructs Aria.

As I walk inside I go up to my room and fill up a suitcase of things that will last about a month. As I'm about to walk back into Hannas car I hear footsteps behind me. I immediately sense it's my Dad, I feel a hard blow on my back as I fall to the ground, I groan in pain. "Spencer, tell me what that suitcase is for", he growls, "I'm going to live somewhere else", I say calmly, not expressing my fear. "Good, that means one less b*h for me!" He yells. Kicking me outside the door, resulting in me falling into the ground.

He slams the door shut as I get up from the pavement. "Oh my god!", I hear the girls cry behind me. "I'm fine", I stumble, before my knees buckle and I fall to the ground in a fit of sobs. I hear the door click open again "I wish you were dead Spencer!", My Dad shouts before slamming the door.

"Me too", I whisper under my breath. The girls must of heard because they are hugging me tighter than before. "What do you mean by that?", Aria says kindly. I lift up my head and look into her eyes "It means I wish and it would be better if I was dead", I say emotionless.

"Spencer, I can honestly not imagine a world where you don't belong, we all love you so much and I don't think I could ever be happy if you were gone", cried Aria.

Once they have helped me up and we have retreated back to the car, Hanna goes and collects my suitcase. Since she was in four inch heels, she tripped over, resulting in my suitcase falling out of her hands.

What happens next almost appears to me in slow motion. I must have forgotten to zip up my case, "Shit!", I thought as some stuff started to fall out. I watch horrified as what I wanted to keep hidden fell onto the pavement.

Out falls my razors, a bottle of pills, a large kitchen knife, a pen and five peices of paper.

I feel faint, the girls have stopped, realising what just happened. Emily's shaking body turns around to look at me, tears dripping down her cheeks. "No you weren't... Please no... Don't let it be that...", Emily stumbles. "Spencer", Aria sighs, trying to keep it together, "Where you going to kill yourself".

For once in my life I can't speak and make a sound, I can't even manage the word "yes".


	3. Chapter 3: Love

**Spencers P O V**

I breathe in deeply, "Yes", I say, letting the tears fall freely. I am expecting them to be mad or upset, but instead they just look at each other and run up to me, showering me in hugs and tears.

"You are never going here again!", Hanna says. I nod my head, I see Emily going to put the stuff in the bin "NO!" I yell. "It's for your own good Spencie", Aria crys, clinging onto me.

At that moment I hear the signature sound of Tobys truck pull up behind us. I squeeze my eyes shut, wanting to disappear into thin air.

I hear the door open and shut "Hey Baby!", I hear him shout from behind me. I guess he expected to run up to him, hug him and kiss him, saying he had been gone for a week.

I tensed up my body, not saying a word. As I hear him getting closer I curl up into a little ball, burying my head into my knees.

"Hey, what's up", he says, wrapping his arms around me after opening the car door. I shake him off, trying silence my crying.

 **Tobys P O V**

Spencer has been acting extremely strange for the past couple of weeks, but I just put it down to stress. Though now I can tell something is up. When she shakes me off, I look up at the girls.

I notice there eyes are red and puffy and their hands and shaking. "Please tell me what's going on", I beg. "Spencer", Aria croaks.

Spencers shakes her head and curls up tighter. "Spence, can you please tell him", Hanna crys, "I don't know how to say it".

Spencer looks up at me with glassy eyes, I quickly notice a huge, red, puffy hand mark covering a third of her face. "Babe... What happened", I say quietly, stroking my fingers down her cheek.

Once she has finished her story we are all crying. I wrap my arms around her as the nuzzles into my neck and crys, "Please don't leave me", I whisper into her ear.

Once we are done, the girls and I decide that Spencer can't live in her house anymore.

"Spencer, you can live in the loft with me", I say, "Wait... Actually scratch that, you have to live in the loft with me". I say. "Ok", I sniffle

 **Sorry for the short chapter! Updating soon**


	4. Chapter 4: Scared

**Spencers P O V**

I sit in the loft, curled up in Tobys arms.

The silence is awkward, but for me it's not.

I still hear things, the voices, in my head.

Fat, Ugly, Waste of Life, Weird, Bitch, the list just goes on and on and on.

"Please try and eat something baby", Toby asks for the thousandth time. _Oh Spence, food makes you fat... Unless you know how to get rid of it._ I hear Ali's voice in my head.

"Okay", I smile at him.

He returns with a plate of crackers, tomatoes and cheese.

"Thanks", I say, after eating the whole lot. "Hey Tobes, I'm just going to go to the bathroom", I say kindly. "Okay babe", he smiles. I don't even think Toby really knows what Bulimia is, I guess we'll find out.

I retreat to the bathroom, sticking my fingers down my throat to empty my stomach. I hear Toby behind me, I feel dread and guilt wash over me. "Hey Babe what's wrong, aren't you feeling well", he asks, I realise he mustn't have not been listening when Aria told him about my Bulimia.

I nod my head, "aww you poor thing", he says, stroking my back.

 _ring ring_

"Hey babe I'm just gonna take this", he says gently, leaving me leaning against the toilet bowl.

 _Aria: Hey Toby_

 _Toby: Hey Aria, is everything okay?_

 _Aria: Yeah, all good. I was just ringing to see how Spencer is going, I know it's only been a couple of hours but I still worried._

 _Toby: Yeah, she seems happy. Though I think she must have a stomach bug or something because she's been vomiting for the last ten minutes._

 _Aria: You Idiot!_

 _Toby: What?_

 _Aria: Weren't you listening to a word I said! She has Bulimia you jerk!!!!!_

 _Toby: What exactly is Bulimia?_

 _Aria: Seriously, Ughhhh, I'm coming over. I'll be there soon just make sure Spencer does not puke again!_

 _Toby: Okay, see you soon._

 **Aria's P O V**

I am furious! Like really?

I quickly get in the car and drive straight to Tobys, I don't think I've ever been so pissed with somebody. When I get there I race into the loft, not even bothering to go up to Toby, but I flash him a dirty look as I rush by.

When I get to Spencer, she looks so sad, I can't help but to feel sad myself. I go next to her and wrap my arms around her. "It's okay, this isn't your fault", I soothe. "What's Bulimia?", Toby asks again.

"Well, Spencers parents called her fat and teased her about her figure. Which resulted in her thinking she was fat, which she definitely is not. Bulimia is where you think your fat, so you make yourself vomit put the food you eat.", I say, hugging Spencer.

"Oh", is all he mumbles, he looks shocked. "Spence... I'm so sorry", he adds, hugging her shaking body.


	5. Chapter 5: Farewell

**Tobys P O V**

For the past five days Spencer has acted much more like herself, almost like she's not sad at all. We decided to have Emily, Caleb, Hanna, Aria and Ezra over for dinner. It's quite strange, how quick things can change, she just seems so happy... Maybe a little too happy.

At that moment I hear a loud knock on the door, "I'll get it", Spencer says sweetly. We open the door to everybody, they have all brought food and drink, like we don't have enough already.

 **Arias P O V**

I still think somethings up with Spencer, she has been acting so happy since we found out. Toby seems to think that she's over her depression. Though I think otherwise, it's only been five days, I honestly think she's hiding something.

Toby and Spencer lead us to the table, Spencer smiling like there's no tomorrow. I'm getting worried, "Hey Spence, can I talk to you for a minute?", I ask. "Sure Aria", she says happily.

I bring her to the side while the others are talking, "Are you okay?", I ask curiously. "Yea I'm fine, happier than ever!", She says quickly, she's definitely hiding something.

 **Dinner Time**

Half way through dinner and Spencers barely said a word , "I'm just going to go to the bathroom", She says sweetly, giving Toby a kiss. I'm getting nervous, I can't hear her vomiting but something is really not right.

 **10 minutes later**

"Guys, do you think Spencers taking a long time?" I ask, scared. "She's probably just on her period", Laughs Hanna. Though I really can't shake the feeling that somethings not right. "I'm just going to check if she's okay", I smile.

As I approach the bathroom door, I don't hear a thing. "Spence, are you okay in there?", I ask, gently tapping on the door, there's no response but dead silence.

I slowly turn the doorknob and open the door, I am not prepared for what I see next. Spencers Lacy white top covered in blood from her wrists, a large kitchen knife on the floor, a empty bottle of pills and five peices of Paper.

I hear a loud bloodcurdling scream, I realise it's me. I feel my knees buckle, I hear footsteps behind me, everything is a blur.

I quickly snap put of my trance and help the others, "CALL 911!", Hanna screams to Emily. I am hysterical now, I feel Ezra wrap his arms around me. Tobys crying above her body, she looks so peaceful.

"Check her pulse", Hanna crys. Caleb tries desperately to find one, feeling her bloody wrist looking for another pulse "She... She doesn't have ... A pulse... I think she's dead", he crys. Toby looks terrified, like all of us, we can't stop crying.

Emily's runs up, performing CPR. I hear sirens pull up out the front, seconds later paramedics as shooing us out of the room, trying to revive Spencer. Before I leave I grab the notes on the table, the other stop and stare, we all have one each. We are all crying hysterically, I hand out the notes, I start to read mine, tears soaking it.

 _Dear Aria,_

 _My best Friend and the other half to my Sparia. I love you, so much. You were one of the hardest to leave behind, never forget that. Please don't cry, I may be gone, but I'm happy, I'm sorry. I couldn't swim any longer, the waves were slowly pulling me under, this time I let them. We will always be together, maybe not physically, but by heart. You are so beautiful and compassionate, that's what I loved about you. I don't know where I'll end up, but I'll tell Ali that you miss her. I love you so much, never forget me._

 _-Spencer_

I start to cry louder and louder, wanting this all to be nightmare.

 **Emily's P O V**

I wish this wasn't true, what I'm holing in my hands, what I just saw. I breathe in deeply, still crying, and start to read.

 _Dear Emily,_

 _My beautiful mermaid. My best friend. One of the reasons I tried so hard to live._

 _Em, I love you so much. You meant a huge deal to me, please don't be sad, that's not what I want. I'm sorry I had to go, I hope you find somebody who will love and respect you, and trust me, you will._

 _I love you, please never forget me._

 _-Spencer_

"No!", I cry out falling to the ground.

 **Hannas P O V**

Why? Why? Why did it have to be this way? I pick up the note she left for me and start to read.

 _Dear Hanna,_

 _My bubbly, bright and beautiful Blonde. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I'm really sorry I did this, but l'm happy now. I will forever miss you, I just felt so numb. Like I couldn't go on any longer. Just please don't cry, that's not what I want._

 _I love you girl, Never forget me_

 _-Spencer_

 _I don't think I've ever felt such pain, I barely even know if she's dead or alive, all I can hear are the paramedics screaming and shouting orders at one another._

 **Tobys P O V**

I don't know what to do, say or think. All I know is to cry, and I can't stop. I want to be next to her, to kiss her, to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. I put all my strength together and pick up the note

 _Dear Toby_

 _I love you, so much. I am so sorry baby. You are the hardest of them all to leave behind, I really sorry, but I'm happy now, right? You will always be the love of my life. I want you to find somebody, who you will love and start a family with. I wish it was me, but I'm not here anymore. Nothing can express the way I feel for you, you were my safe place to land._

 _I love you, Tobes. Never Forget me_

 _-Spencer_

I burst out in tears right there on the spot, Emily comes up and hugs me. I then here everything go quiet, I look up to see one of the paramedics in front of us.

"I'm so sorry, there's nothing we can do", I feel myself crumbling, with my Spencer I am nothing, she saved me... And I could've saved her. I feel the hot tears stream down my face as Emily clings onto me.

I see Aria has attached herself onto Aria while she crys hysterically. Caleb holds Hanna tight, she looks like she's going to be sick.

I the Paramedics load Spencer into the stretcher, it's takes both Emiky and Caleb to hold me back. I scream out to Spencer, in hope she will wake up. But she's gone... Forever


	6. Chapter 6: Funeral

**Just watched Pretty Little Liars 7x17! It was amazing, I still can't believe there's only 3 episodes left!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Arias P O V**

6 days ago, 6 days ago since Spencer killed herself. It's almost like I'm still waiting for her to walk through the door and swing her arms around me. Today is the day I have been dreading, Spencer Hastings funeral and viewing. I don't how they manage to clean up a girl who committed suicide, just the thought of it sends me into uncontrollable sobs. I have seen the girls quite a lot, but it just feels empty without Spencer.

I look at myself in the mirror, my makeup almost hides the fact that I have been crying non stop for almost a week. I am wearing a turquoise beaded dress, not the typical attire for a funeral, but it's special... Spencer gave it to me for my birthday last year.

 _Spencer smiles as I unwrap the ribbon and start onto the paper. I open it to find the most beautiful, silky, shiny and flawless knee length dress. "Oh Spence, it's stunning", I say in awe. "Thanks, I made it for you at a sewing and fashion class", she says proudly. "I love it!", I cry. I run up and hug her. Something I would give anything to do right now._

"Are you ready Aria", I hear Ezra say behind me. I nod, grabbing the pouch of tissues as we walk out the door.

When we arrive, the first person I see is Toby, he looks... Haunted. As I get out of the car I walk up to him, his red puffy eyes tell a story of ultimate pain. We both don't even need to say anything to each other to start crying. Then I see Emily, Hanna and Caleb walking up to us, "Hey", Hanna says, trying to act normal. We start to talk and cry about Spencer when a small, white dove flys onto Tobys shoulder.

We all stare at it, surprisingly it doesn't fly away, it starts to chirp and sing. It twitches it's head at each of us, almost like its talking to us. About a minute later it flys off, leaving six white feathers, one for each of us. "I think... I think it's a sign from Spencer", Hanna stutters, "That she's okay".

We all nod our heads in agreement, bewildered and happy at what it just did. I feel Ezras warm arm wrap around my waist as the doors open.

 **Hannas P O V**

I take a deep breath as the doors start to open, the first thing I see is Spencers brown, wooden coffin... And her in it. I start to feel physically sick seeing her the way she is, I run to the nearest bush and start to empty my stomach, careful not to get vomit on my dress. I hear Aria and Emily race behind me, Aria rubbing my back and Emily holding my hair.

"I really hate puking, it reminds me of... Well yeah", I say once I am finished. "What Spencer went through", I start to sob. I hear the girls start to sob behind me, we're all crying our eyes out.

I take a seat next to Emily and Aria, and the funeral is Pretty ordinary, though I don't see Peter or Veronica. That's when I remember they were arrested from abusing her, oh god I miss her.

 **Arias P O V**

The priest keeps saying over and over what a great person Spencer was. It's painful, he didn't even know Spencer, he didn't know the girl laying in the coffin in front of me.

I miss her so much, more than anybody could ever imagine. There's a picture of Spencer next to the coffin, her smiling, bright and happy face makes me smile, but my smile suddenly drops remembering I'd never see it again.

The music is boring, until one comes on. That one.

 _Spencer turned the sound recorder off as we took deep breaths, "This is amazing! I can't believe your uncle let us use his studio", I say in awe. "Yeah, me too! You know, this song will be our song. Just ours", She whispers._

I feel the tears run down my face as it plays... Our song

 _"Faded, it's gone"_

 _"The darkness, I once knew"_

 _"What could go wrong"_

 _"My heart is safe with you"_

 _"My heart is safe with you",_

 _"I am living in a daydream"_

 _"Nothing that could phase me now"_

 _"I am caught up in a daydream"_

 _"Nothing that could wake me now"_

 _"What more could a girl want"_

 _"What more could a girl want"_

 **(Disclaimer: this song "DayDream" belongs to Ruelle)**

Aria and Emily hold me as I erupt into a fit of tears, I want Spencer to get out of that coffin and come back! I miss her so much. My Sparia is know just Aria.


End file.
